yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
