Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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