You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
