She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
