If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
