I heard we made out
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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