You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
