Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize