Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
