You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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