just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
