U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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