so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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