Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
