I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
