im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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