remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
