a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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