Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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