Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
