I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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