WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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