i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
