Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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