My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
