$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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