i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
