i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
