dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize