I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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