she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
