remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
