your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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