I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
