We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
