How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
