I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize