we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
