went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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