The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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