It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
