Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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