how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
