So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
