Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize