So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
