So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
