if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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