He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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