Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
