I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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