Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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