did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this just has baby written all over it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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