Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
