So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
