So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
