if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
