At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize