What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
