Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
