Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
