Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
