All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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