I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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