I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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