i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
splinters make it hard to masturbate
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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