Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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