U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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