y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
