Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
