yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
