she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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