I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize