Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
