More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
