I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
