Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry ALovinHouseWife hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(502): View more from Kentucky

Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!

Fav 42 1426 20725
share tweet
(646): View more from New York

maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.

Fav 9 853 4386
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(239): View more from Florida

At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt

Fav 12 2676 1242
share tweet
(208): View more from Idaho

you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.

(1-208): View more from Idaho

did we at least go back and get it?

(208): View more from Idaho

how else do you think we got jack in the box...?

Fav 21 6859 1262
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.

Fav 4 1268 4085
share tweet
(256): View more from Alabama

I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.

Fav 20 1711 5700
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(616): View more from Michigan

Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.

Fav 12 4163 1672
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.

Fav 0 29 30
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(517): View more from Michigan

No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight

Fav 0 10 26
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT