And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He has the fingertips of a God
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