her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
