You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
