I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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