and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
