We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
