The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
