A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
one might say we're banned from that church
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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