Im at strip club and am horny
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
