Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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