Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He passed out mid-signature
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
