Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
