i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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