Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
