I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
