tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
