So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
