If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
