You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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