im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
