David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just pee around me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
